Brrr

I've never been a morning person... even less so now that I have chronic pain...  Freakin' 24*?!  You have to be kidding me....  Not even my electric blanket cheered me up this morning.

Image Credit: Matt Bellassa, the fabulous! 

Prednisone Blues

For the last couple of days I've been having some major asthma issues.... I mean - extreme moments of "I cannot breathe, should I give myself a Greys-Anatomy-inspired-tracheostomy??" 

Thankfully, my other health issues went into a bit of a false remission while I was taking the steroids, especially the lupus and fibro pains.  Yet while I was taking this horrible stuff, my blood sugar was raging out of control!  That's ok though, because I would rather be able to breathe and just have to avoid certain foods while I'm on prednisone.  

The thing is, I become extremely emotional while I am taking Prednisone.  I cry easily and over things that normally I wouldn't bat an eyelash at... Then again, the exhaustion of fighting to breath every moment of every day is probably catching up with me...  I can't sleep at night and I can't get a break (of downtime) during the day.  Please keep me in your prayers, this asthma is no joke.

Daily Clicks

No matter how crappy I am feeling or how exhausted I am, I always take a few minutes and do my daily clicks.  I'm torn between believing that these daily clicks make a difference and that its just some kind of guilt-triggered-spam that tricks us all into looking at advertising.  Either way, I always feel a smidgen better after going through my clicks.  And on no-spoon-days, I'll take that smidgen of improvement happily.
 

If you are curious about The Greater Good, click here to learn who they are and what they do.

 
It used to take me a little longer because I had to jump from bookmark to bookmark to bookmark - but now the actual layout of the page makes it so much easier! 
 
Are you interested in clicking some free help their way?  I have laid out some simple step by step instructions :)

1.  Go to THIS PAGE

 
2.  Look for this logo on the upper left hand side.
 
3.  Look to the right, one icon at a time, and it shows all the other pages you can go to make a difference just by clicking!  Its totally free.

4.  Under the row of icons, you will see a bar that says something like "click here to offer..." whatever page you are on.  Click that bar.  That's it!  You just helped someone else :)
 
 
This is an example of what the page will look like when you click on the different sites you can help.  This picture may be fuzzy, so please feel free to click on it to make it bigger so it will be clear. :)  Oh and my paint program skills aren't that great lol but hopefully it will help you get the idea that I am talking about.

I know this sounds cheesy but doing these daily clicks - even on days I don't feel good, especially on days I feel really bad, help me feel a little less sorry for myself... because I am taking a moment to do something for others.  That helps me give myself permission to rest as much as I need to, because I have done what I can do for others. 

 

Tap my what?!

I just got out of the hospital and am slowly recovering.  I'm not exactly sure what was or is going on, I'm still kind of out of it. 

What began Sunday night as the worst migraine of my entire life, a #16 on the 1-10 pain scale, dry-heaving vomiting and extreme dizziness ended up with me being admitted to the Hospital with Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension or Pseudo Tumor Cerebri, which I will refer to as IIH in the labels section of my blog. 

I met an excellent Neurologist who has agreed to take my case.  Under his recommendation, I will have a new Eye Doctor that will need to see me every two months to monitor the pressure via my dilated eyes.  (I'm not looking forward to that, I dislike having my eyes dilated!)  (Does anyone else who has sugar issues have a spike in blood glucose during/after having eyes dilated? Or is that just me?)

The treatment is a lower lumbar spine tap type thing - which is very painful!  Oh and a 1000gm daily dose of a heavy duty diuretic that gives me muscle cramps will keep the fluid from coming back as quickly.  But according to the Doctors, another lumbar puncture will be in my future. :(

Anyway, fast forward several days, and here I am.

So I will be researching and learning as I go, much like we all do from time to time. 

Please keep me in your prayers/good thoughts.

Thanks!

 

Little Sister to the Rescue

Ugh I have been sicker than I have been a very very long time... 

Major asthma attackS - as in multiple knock-me-out-cant-breath attacks a day!
Severe bronchitis
Strep throat
Double Ear Infections
Nose Bleeds
Vomiting
Diarrhea 
Blah!!!!

I missed three whole days and two half days of work - which NEVER happens with me!  I am almost always at work :(   Luckily, I was at home and Jennifer was there to take care of me.  :)  


It may have went a little bit like this... 

.....and then this....

... but its the thought that counts!!  Right??

In all seriousness, I couldn't make it through a normal spoonie day without her love and support, so her willingness just to be there was key to my survival of this ordeal.  

Thank you Jennifer, I couldn't have 

gotten through any of it without you.  

Worry About Yourself.

I am definitely having one of those days!  I just want to tell everyone "No thank you, just worry about yourself."  I'm not referring to friends or family members who genuinely care about me and are sincerely checking on me - but for everyone else...  

I'm fine.  Family is fine.

Work is good, just keeping me really busy.  

Thank you for asking.  

Worry about yourself, please.

It's not that I don't care that others care or I mind - its just.... I don't have time to stop and think about how I am and I don't have the energy to try to put it into words so someone else can comprehend.  I just... I do better if I can just keep going.  One foot in front of the other, one day after another.  Healthy or not - I don't know yet.  But thank you for your concern, just worry about yourself :)  

Depression

I grew up hearing a good bit about depression, I had family members who suffered with it.  I'm familiar with the bursts of tears, the overwhelming 'what ifs', the desired escape from everyday tasks and the wild cycles of fearlessness that can tumble a family head over heels on the cycle of depression.  What I never realized, until recently, is that there are many symptoms of depression... 

• Lethargy - I'm just tired a lot, fatigue is part of my condition
• Trouble sleeping - Its just fatigue and with the pain levels I can't really rest
• Apathy - I'm still grieving, feeling lost
• Sadness - Again, I'm grieving... I've been through a lot lately.
• Irritability - I'm grieving and in pain, so I'm a little on edge sometimes
• Detaching from friends - well when I'm hurting like this I really don't want to actually do things.  Plus I'm majorly broke - all these meds aren't cheap!
• Appetite and Weight - That is none of your business, but yes I've gained a bit of weight...
• Pain - Hello I have Fibro, Lupus, Diabetes, PCOS, Asthma and Arthritis - aren't you paying attention?  

The problem comes in whenever you have overlapping diagnoses...  Is depression a side effect of an autoimmune disorder?  Or is depression its own sickness that leapt on to the straw piling on the camel's back?  You can see how it can all blend together... 

I have been telling myself for a long time now that I'm not depressed.  I'm fine, just tired.  I'm dealing with everything and just resting.  I'm not depressed, I'm not suicidal and I don't sit and cry buckets all the time.  I work full time for crying out loud.  I'm not detached, I'm broke - there's a difference.  I'M FINE!

Well maybe... I mean, that.... That sounds about right.  Shit, maybe I am depressed.

Day of Silence

Fibro Fog Strikes Again

Oh yeah, it's been one of those days...

Advice

Best advice I've gotten all day.

Now That We're All Booming...

This has got to be one of my favorite scenes from the Golden Girls.  For anyone who hasn't seen it, the Girls are babysitting for a friend and the baby refuses to go to sleep!  So Rose voices one of her many St. Olaf ideas on how to soothe the crying baby.... This is her plan in action. 

I have been having a lot of problems sleeping lately.  I'm not sure what is going on or how to even explain it... but I am confident that others who are either chronically sick or grieving can definitely relate.... Unfortunately, I don't have any tricks or tips on how to handle these sleepless nights....  I imagine being serenaded by the Golden Girls might not put me to sleep but I am confident it would make me smile... and maybe feel less alone during these isolating nights... 

Perco-huh?

Like many other in Spoonieville, I am having a rough flare up week.  Tennessee's temperatures have dropped pretty drastically and we have had several days of cold rain.  Luckily, my Aunt turned me onto Percogesic, which I can take at work and it brings just enough relief that I am still able to function.  I was speaking with a Nursing friend who laughed and said that percogesic is nothing more than aspirin and benadryl, however I am not knocking what seems to be helping me right now.


So if you are curious what is currently in my survival kit?  It would be a container of Percogesic, a tube of Aspercreme, and my fake smile that I plaster on as I pull into my job's parking lot.  

I keep reminding myself that I am very blessed to have a job to have to force-a-smile through, because it provides me with insurance for treatment and money for survival.  So all in all, I am a truly blessed spoonie.

Video: What Fibro Feels Like

Thank you for sharing this video, 

it speaks volumes of how I feel! 

Not by Strength - but by Perseverance

In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, 

the stream always wins -
not by strength 

but by perseverance. 

- H. Jackson Brown

I've heard this expression a dozen times but this morning something inside of me clicked.  The rocks of my path lately have been holding me back, when what I need to do is relax and allow myself to flow around them.  Yes the barriers may slow me down but eventually I will get around them... 


So now I am going to try to breathe through the stress, relax during the drama, and imagine myself - my true self - flowing around these issues, skimming past the flare up pains, slipping past the work headaches... to pool back into myself on the other side... 


Will keep you posted on its success.  

It's a bird, it's a plane, its my Chiropractor!

A new pain has struck, bad #10 on the scale of pain.  It could be a fibro flare-up because of weather changing.  Emergency Medical Personal thought I was drug seeking.


Even my own Doctor wasn't sure how much of this is fibro and what is new.  Sometimes I'm not sure she believes in fibro or if she believes it is all weight related.  


I cried myself to sleep several nights from the intensity of this pain.  I can't walk unassisted, barely stand up enough to see where I'm going.  Yet am told it is "part of fibro".  I know enough about fibro to know that this is very different. 


Pain pills numb my brain enough that I can sleep a little.  It doesn't really ease the pain as much as it makes it easier for me to mentally disconnect from it. 

Finally my Chiropractor figured it out!  God bless him!  He discovered that I have pinched a nerve in my lower back.  He worked on it some and for the first time in a few days, I have non-medicated relief.  Prednisone, cold packs, and his TENS unit to the rescue!  With any luck, tomorrow I will be able to go back to the office :)  


It is another day I thank God for the support of my family. 

Feelin' Puny

Yuck, I hate being sick. 

Combination of steroids to ease fibro/lupus 

pain, an ear infection resistant to antibiotics, 

and my condition's precursor for Diabetes... 

Oh and don't forget to multiply that by the power of 

brand new sugar meds/insulin...

and I'm very sick... 

Comments encouraged.

Prayers appreciated.

Thank you for stopping by to read this. :)

New Changes

New Doctor

New Meds

New Insulin

New Sickness

Equals a New Misery lol 

I am blessed that I have insurance to see the new Doctor. 
I am blessed that I am able to purchase my new medications/insulin.
I am blessed that I have a job that allows me to go to my doctor appointment.
I am blessed that I have a family to help take care of me. 
I am blessed, even though I am sick. 
I am blessed to be able to breathe. 
I need to remember to breathe. 

Natural Pain Relievers

Over the last few months I have began to look forward to the newsletters in my inbox from IVillage.  This morning, I was very happy to see an email about relieving pain naturally.  I'm up for anything (at least once) so I thought I would browse through and share some of the highlights here.

The first option was Yoga for pain relief.  The article mentions a lot of different types of pain, from hangovers to pms to sinus pressure.  For me, what helps the most are the anxiety breathing and backache poses.  I'm not flexible AT ALL (picture the Tin Man when he started getting oiled, that would totally looked like me if I stopped coloring my grey!) and yet I found a way to do these positions comfortably.   


The next option was 20 Natural Pain Remedies from your Kitchen.  I have to admit that at first I wasn't too impressed with what it offered, but when I seen that ‘fresh pineapple daily can cut painful bloating within 72 hours’ that definitely got my attention!  As anyone who takes Neurotin will tell you, I'm bloating up like a fish!  And I love fresh pineapple, so if it works it will be win-win!  


Another thing that I do to ease my pain is try to distract my mind away from it.  It isn't always easy.  The newsletter had an  article, Surprising Ways to Ease Pain, lists some of my favorite methods of  redirecting my attention away from the pain.


What do you do to ease your pain?  Do you have any natural or mental tricks?  Please share your experiences in the comments below!
  

Extra Extra - Read All About It!

The headline should read:  

Fibromyalgia hits Amber!

Yes, that would make me the person stuck under the house.  No that doesn't make me a bad witch, but I am less friendly on higher pain days. 


This time around, I have been more emotional than I have been in previous flare-ups.  I have been stressing much easier over small things that normally would not even phase me.  In the past, my medication helps me sleep a little less restlessly, but this current flare-up is an exception.  


The Fibro-House may have fallen on me, knocked me down, and delayed my plans of world domination (haha) but as you can see in the picture, I am still ROCKING those ruby slippers!  My condition may be able to take me down or push me around, but I will continue to sparkle and shine.... even if it is a little less brightly. 

Hopeful

Hope is like a bird that senses the dawn and carefully starts to sing while it is still dark.  - Anonymous

Not feeling that great today, intense muscle pain/cramping, stiff joints, dizzy and headachey.  Still hoping that the weekend will improve, tomorrow I will feel better... I hope.