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Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Depression

I grew up hearing a good bit about depression, I had family members who suffered with it.  I'm familiar with the bursts of tears, the overwhelming 'what ifs', the desired escape from everyday tasks and the wild cycles of fearlessness that can tumble a family head over heels on the cycle of depression.  What I never realized, until recently, is that there are many symptoms of depression... 



  • Lethargy - I'm just tired a lot, fatigue is part of my condition
  • Trouble sleeping - Its just fatigue and with the pain levels I can't really rest
  • Apathy - I'm still grieving, feeling lost
  • Sadness - Again, I'm grieving... I've been through a lot lately.
  • Irritability - I'm grieving and in pain, so I'm a little on edge sometimes
  • Detaching from friends - well when I'm hurting like this I really don't want to actually do things.  Plus I'm majorly broke - all these meds aren't cheap!
  • Appetite and Weight - That is none of your business, but yes I've gained a bit of weight...
  • Pain - Hello I have Fibro, Lupus, Diabetes, PCOS, Asthma and Arthritis - aren't you paying attention?  

The problem comes in whenever you have overlapping diagnoses...  Is depression a side effect of an autoimmune disorder?  Or is depression its own sickness that leapt on to the straw piling on the camel's back?  You can see how it can all blend together... 


I have been telling myself for a long time now that I'm not depressed.  I'm fine, just tired.  I'm dealing with everything and just resting.  I'm not depressed, I'm not suicidal and I don't sit and cry buckets all the time.  I work full time for crying out loud.  I'm not detached, I'm broke - there's a difference.  I'M FINE!




Well maybe... I mean, that.... That sounds about right.  Shit, maybe I am depressed.

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