Brrr

I've never been a morning person... even less so now that I have chronic pain...  Freakin' 24*?!  You have to be kidding me....  Not even my electric blanket cheered me up this morning.

Image Credit: Matt Bellassa, the fabulous! 

Little Sister to the Rescue

Ugh I have been sicker than I have been a very very long time... 

Major asthma attackS - as in multiple knock-me-out-cant-breath attacks a day!
Severe bronchitis
Strep throat
Double Ear Infections
Nose Bleeds
Vomiting
Diarrhea 
Blah!!!!

I missed three whole days and two half days of work - which NEVER happens with me!  I am almost always at work :(   Luckily, I was at home and Jennifer was there to take care of me.  :)  


It may have went a little bit like this... 

.....and then this....

... but its the thought that counts!!  Right??

In all seriousness, I couldn't make it through a normal spoonie day without her love and support, so her willingness just to be there was key to my survival of this ordeal.  

Thank you Jennifer, I couldn't have 

gotten through any of it without you.  

Untitled.

I know that it has been a while since I posted regularly.  I would love to say that I'm doing well, just busy with how wonderful life has been. I would love to say that I've met some fabulous people and have spent the last few months secluded away on a private beach. The last few months have been both the longest of my life and gone by faster than I ever imagined. 

Everyone appears to have moved on but I can't...  People are getting married, having babies, moving, getting promotions, etc... And feel like I'm still sitting in that cold hard chair in the waiting room, trying to explain to my Aunt that the doctor just said that Mom may not make it through the night...  I'm trapped in that moment of shock and heartbreak. 

Thank you to everyone who has emailed, called, texted, and checked on me.

Mental Beach Getaway

After an eventful few days, I need some serious down time... This is my favorite youtube video that helps me relax and drift away from the world.  

Not even my exhausting pain can reach me here.  

While I am positive that an actual trip to the beach would work wonders on my aches and fatigue - this is the next best thing... Plus I don't have to wear sunscreen! :)

zZzzZzzZzz

I have been so BLAH! this week, I've been struggling with a fibro flare-up and majorly stressed at work.  It's barely Saturday afternoon and I am so exhausted I could easily sleep until Monday.  


I will wake up for a few minutes then the next thing I know, I'm waking up again.  


I think I'm developing narcolep-zzzzzz.  lol 

This animated picture made me laugh but at the same time... I definitely know how the sleeping cat feels!

Fibro Fog Strikes Again

Oh yeah, it's been one of those days...

Now That We're All Booming...

This has got to be one of my favorite scenes from the Golden Girls.  For anyone who hasn't seen it, the Girls are babysitting for a friend and the baby refuses to go to sleep!  So Rose voices one of her many St. Olaf ideas on how to soothe the crying baby.... This is her plan in action. 

I have been having a lot of problems sleeping lately.  I'm not sure what is going on or how to even explain it... but I am confident that others who are either chronically sick or grieving can definitely relate.... Unfortunately, I don't have any tricks or tips on how to handle these sleepless nights....  I imagine being serenaded by the Golden Girls might not put me to sleep but I am confident it would make me smile... and maybe feel less alone during these isolating nights... 

Video: What Fibro Feels Like

Thank you for sharing this video, 

it speaks volumes of how I feel! 

Not by Strength - but by Perseverance

In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, 

the stream always wins -
not by strength 

but by perseverance. 

- H. Jackson Brown

I've heard this expression a dozen times but this morning something inside of me clicked.  The rocks of my path lately have been holding me back, when what I need to do is relax and allow myself to flow around them.  Yes the barriers may slow me down but eventually I will get around them... 


So now I am going to try to breathe through the stress, relax during the drama, and imagine myself - my true self - flowing around these issues, skimming past the flare up pains, slipping past the work headaches... to pool back into myself on the other side... 


Will keep you posted on its success.  

It's a bird, it's a plane, its my Chiropractor!

A new pain has struck, bad #10 on the scale of pain.  It could be a fibro flare-up because of weather changing.  Emergency Medical Personal thought I was drug seeking.


Even my own Doctor wasn't sure how much of this is fibro and what is new.  Sometimes I'm not sure she believes in fibro or if she believes it is all weight related.  


I cried myself to sleep several nights from the intensity of this pain.  I can't walk unassisted, barely stand up enough to see where I'm going.  Yet am told it is "part of fibro".  I know enough about fibro to know that this is very different. 


Pain pills numb my brain enough that I can sleep a little.  It doesn't really ease the pain as much as it makes it easier for me to mentally disconnect from it. 

Finally my Chiropractor figured it out!  God bless him!  He discovered that I have pinched a nerve in my lower back.  He worked on it some and for the first time in a few days, I have non-medicated relief.  Prednisone, cold packs, and his TENS unit to the rescue!  With any luck, tomorrow I will be able to go back to the office :)  


It is another day I thank God for the support of my family. 

It Slipped my Mind

Today has been an ok day, I’m not feeling the best. A bit of a fibro flare up, more of a brain foggy fatigued slow motion kind of morning than anything with a lot of high pain. One of those times when it feels like your head is under water and you can’t really understand exactly everything someone is saying to you but you can kind of get the jist of it? The brain fog is the hardest symptom for me, I can be in the middle of a sentence and completely lose my train of thought. Or my brain will kind of hiccup and I can see an item in my head and cannot bring myself to say the name of it or I can't think of what to call it.  Thank goodness for my stint in American Sign Language because I usually end up using the sign and making sound effects to communicate what I'm talking about.  

Fog with a side of Hurricane

Sophia Petrillo isn’t the only one who has gotten more intuitive about the weather.  I have been having a flare-up over the last few days, muscle pain/cramps, joint stiffness, and swelling.  I have had worse flares, so I am still thankful that I am off work this weekend so I can rest.  Even with the muscle cramps that bring tears, I am still very blessed.  Especially considering that this weekend, as I am writing this, Hurricane Irene  is having her way along the North Eastern seacoast of the US.  The people receiving her wrath are in my prayers, my heart goes out to those families who are losing everything...

I have been in a hurricane once in my life, and trust me it was more than enough of an experience.  Granny and I were on a cruise ship near the Bahamas when Hurricane Wilma hit in 2005.  What surprised me more than anything about the storm, wasn’t the force of the rainy wind or the violent way the ocean threw the boat around – but the drastic drop in temperature!  At this point, I had not experienced the traumatic event that triggered my fibromyalgia, so I was chronic illness free!  Perhaps I should have taken the storm interrupted vacation as a sign, because shortly after, my life changed forever.

Growing up, my grandparents were able to predict the weather.  Later on in life, my Dad was always accurate when it came to spotting a cold front on its way here.  As an adult with a chronic illness, I can put my hat in the ring for knowing when changes in temperature are approaching and not only can I smell the rain, I can feel it ten miles away. 

Sorry this post is a little rabbit-chasing, but this flare has definitely brought its share of brain fog. :)

Hopeful

Hope is like a bird that senses the dawn and carefully starts to sing while it is still dark.  - Anonymous

Not feeling that great today, intense muscle pain/cramping, stiff joints, dizzy and headachey.  Still hoping that the weekend will improve, tomorrow I will feel better... I hope.

No more spoons? Fork it.

The last few days I have been extremely tired.  Beyond sleepy, completely fatigued.  Yet nothing has slowed down, if anything it is picking up speed!  There comes days where I have so much to do and I don’t have any more spoons that I just have to say fork it and get it done.  In my head I know that I need rest, honest sleep, and major downtime... but I don’t have the lifestyle that will allow for that.  I have responsibilities at home and work that need me to actively complete my to-do list.  Yet when I have time to catch a nap, my brain keeps reminding me of everything else I need to do.  

I used to have a nature CD of a thunderstorm that helped me rest when my mind wouldn’t slow down enough to allow me to sleep.  Here are a few more I am looking at purchasing: 

Healing Sounds of Nature - Thunderstorm, Rain and Ocean Waves
Sleep Solutions (The Calming Collection)
Ambient Music for Sleep
Music to Promote Sleep

Blessing in Disguise

Inspired by Sick Momma's blog carnival, I would like to post about a Guilty Pleasure that my condition has blessed me with!  Personally I think the perspective is brilliant and is something that should be considered more often.  But then again, I was always a silver lining kind of girl. :)


I started helping out in the yard as soon as I was old enough to understand the concept of picking up sticks and rocks and carrying them to the ditch.  As soon as I was mature enough, I was mowing and then eventually weed-eating.  Needless to say, I've never enjoyed it.  But since my diagnosis of fibromyalgia, I don't have to do it anymore!  I don't do well out in the heat/sun for long periods of time so that rules out the actual mowing and the fatigue is too much for me to be carrying around that weed-eater and trimming up the edges.  While my condition has taken many things away from me, this is something I would have happily donated for the cause!  The best part is that we were able to hire this really nice guy at work to come and do it, he has his own small business on the side.  Not only do we get a great looking professionally done yard but secretly the best part is that I don't have to do it!

I have become a text-a-holic since my diagnosis.  I save spoons by NOT having long emotional conversations with everyone who contacts me every day, texting is so much easier!  I also have become a major fan of twitter and facebook, using them to stay in the loop.  Of course my blog is another thing I allow myself to have, all of which encourage me to rest while keeping my mind active...both things that are needed when one has chronic illnesses.  At least that's how I justify my social media dependency LOL 


Another guilty pleasure that I freely partake in is lazy days in bed, watching digital cable's on demand selection.  I try to take at least one day a week to rest as much as possible for maintenance rest, even if I don't "need" it as much as I might at other times.  I don't fake pain or pretend to be stiff, but I do chalk it up to something required in order for me to keep balance in my world.   

Rough Night

Over the years I have read dozens of blogs from authors who have some sort of illness or disability.  They tend to be upbeat and really don't show the down sides of having chronic conditions.  I want this blog to be honest.  Good days and bad. 


Last night was a rough night.  I was restless, muscles were aching, hot flashing, and couldn't sleep.  I was uncomfortable and couldn't stop crying for long.  Plus my sugar is sky high!  Along the way I have learned to pay close attention to my body for signs of what it is trying to tell me.  I think I am getting some kind of infection, so I will get out my antibiotic supply and start a few days of one of them.  I'm still not feeling well today, but I have an idea of what is going on.  There are certain infections I tend to get frequently, otherwise I would call the doctor. 

I've always had emotional responses to infections and illnesses.  Not just the normal tired whiney mood but I can do a pretty good job knowing what is going on in my body... sometimes. lol  When I have a respiratory infection, I tend to sleep all the time and cannot seem to shake the fatigue.  When I have a staph infection, suddenly I question everything about myself and cry a lot... I don't mean a few tears here and there, I mean uncontrollable weeping until I have a hard time breathing.  


The hardest part of having fibromyalgia and lupus isn't the way that I have to find new ways to do things I have done forever... or the way that my energy goes from normal to non existent in a heartbeat... the worst part, for me, is the loneliness that comes with having a chronic condition.  From time to time, I can feel myself being pulled into isolation for a brief period, I don't know how to describe it and don't understand what happens.  My solution?  I watched a few movies to try and take my mind away from it and today I will rest as much as possible.