Thinking Outside the Box

I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under my bed. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy. 

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."  

"How much do you charge?" 

"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor. 

"I'll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you," I said. 

Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked. 

" Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV."  

"Is that so?!" With a bit of an attitude he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"  

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed - ain't nobody under there now!"

abandoned

This morning I found out that my doctor is leaving the practice, moving to another office across town.  When I asked if she was taking patients with her, she said that I needed to stay with the existing office...  She had a really good reason - she explained that with my Specialists in the same building/office, that I needed to remain there so it will be easier for them to work together on my case....  

But why do I feel so abandoned?  

Two Weeks

Three couples—one elderly, one middle-aged, one young and newly wed—apply for membership in a church. The pastor informs them that the requirement for new parishioners is that they abstain from sex for two weeks. The couples agree and go their separate ways.

After two weeks, they return. The pastor asks the elderly pair if they were able to abstain for two weeks. "No problem at all, Pastor," replies the old man.

"Congratulations!" says the pastor. "Welcome to the church." 

He turns to the middle-aged couple and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks. "It was difficult," replies the husband. "By the end of the second week, I had to sleep on the couch, but we did it."

"Congratulations on overcoming temptation," says the pastor. "Welcome to the church." 

He then turns to the newlyweds and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks.

"At first it was no problem," says the husband. "But one day my wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf, and she dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," says the pastor.

"We know," says the young man. "We’re not welcome at the supermarket anymore either."

Mom and Dad

For my parents, I miss you both.

Thank you for the time you were in my life and the woman you helped me become. 

I love you,

Always.

Happy Hump Day!

Find a reason to laugh every day, even on Wednesdays!