Funny Nutritional Stuff

Thank you Jennifer for sharing this funny with us!  Please remember that this is *not*real*advice*!  This is meant to be a funny joke - laughter is the best medicine after all :)  


This tells me everything I need to know!  Keep those steaks and wine coming.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?  Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.  And what are these?  Vegetables.  So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?  Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q:Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.  Bottoms up!

Q:How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q:What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q:Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!  Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?  HELLO  Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND......

For those of you who watch what you eat , here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:  Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Mental Beach Getaway

After an eventful few days, I need some serious down time... This is my favorite youtube video that helps me relax and drift away from the world.  

Not even my exhausting pain can reach me here.  

While I am positive that an actual trip to the beach would work wonders on my aches and fatigue - this is the next best thing... Plus I don't have to wear sunscreen! :)

Set Free from Sunburn (for today at least)

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am constantly muttering about the difficulties of finding the right sunscreen for the summer months. Not only does the medication for my condition make me sensitive to sun, but I start sweating like nobody's business as soon as I step foot in the brutal rays of the sun.

This summer I am trying something new. Banana Boat Clear Ultramist UVB SPF 30 Continuous Spray Sunscreen.  I found mine at Walmart, but I think you can get it anywhere.  Some people mock and aggravate me about the price I pay for good sunscreen, but the way I see it - it is definitely worth the price.  Some say that we shouldn't use are-sol spray sunscreens, but I am cautious about not breathing it in and its the only way I can make sure that I get every inch of my (exposed) body.  After doing some research and talking to my physician, I am learning that if you have the UVA and UVB protections you don't have to splurge as much on a higher SPF.  This is really the first summer that I have used a lower SPF so I was curious about how it would work out.


Luckily, I had a plan!  I went into the events of the holiday making sure that I could keep an eye on the clock. While it may sound a bit dull, I reapplied the sunscreen every 90 minutes.  Yes, I climbed out of the pool and dried off every 90 minutes, spraying myself with the sunscreen and massaging some onto my face.  The coolest part was that my 5yr old niece climbed out of the pool with me - and I went ahead and slathered her up too.  It's never too early to teach sun protection and skin care!


Well guess who DIDN'T burn!!  That's right, ME!!!  In the pool for hours during the hottest part of the day and while I did get a little bit of color - no lobster-red burns for me this year!   




Happy Independence Day!

For more FAQ about sunscreen, check out the American Melanoma Foundation.